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2019-06-22 21:51:20 UTC 2019-06-22 21:51 UTC

josh:  Happy Saturday. I'm having a nice relaxing weekend and I hope you are too. I started the fractional radiation treatment on the right temporal lobe for my third GBM tumor area on Thursday, and took my chemotherapy pills on Thursday night.

I get the weekends off from radiation (and by the plan, won't have to take more chemo for two months).

Not seeing the same weird lights as I did with my first fractional treatment on the left temporal lobe -- that's likely because the radiation beams aren't crossing visual nerves the same way they did last time. Also, I don't smell weird smells - I thought that might be caused by radiation on the smell nerves, but the techs told me it was probably ozone, so a real smell, and I think they're right.

Doing great and hoping for the best. This treatment plan will complete in about 6 weeks (5 and half, I guess).

I asked the tech about the proper term to describe the type of radiation treatment I'm getting, and she said it was (photon based) stereotactic.

Changing the subject -- I was recently going through the music files in the computer I use for music recording, and as I expected, there were a bunch of them I had created merely for a quick test or a note-to-self sort of recording so that I wouldn't forget something.

I came across one that's a couple of years old, and clearly was intended to help me remember a chord sequence I came up with on the guitar - I also added some synthesizer sounds, maybe also to remember them, but probably just to play with synths.

What struck me about it was that the whole thing was completely gone from my memory - I can only guess, but I suppose a GBM tumor killed off the small portion of my memory cells that were storing it. Like any other human, I forget things (and take notes to help myself bring the memory back to the front), but this was different - it was just gone. Sort of like something which had been in a bad sector on a hard drive.

Or maybe I simply forgot more completely than I'm accustomed to, and it's freaking me out - who knows. But definitely not a great feeling.

It was clearly me playing - nothing more than repeated variations on the chord sequence and experiments with echoing and stuff. Took some time for me to reconfigure the synthesizer to create the bass sound, and likely it wound up sounding different from they original. There's another synth track that was a direct audio recording (as opposed to midi instructions to be sent to the synth, like the bass track), and so I didn't need to rebuild that one.

I got a little fixated on restoring and polishing the recording into something I could listen to (like from my phone with headphones, even looped). When I do, I imagine it as a defiant message to the cancer cells -- despite their attempt, they were unable to actually kill this thing. Let's name it "stereotactic":

download mp3 (original work, creative commons 2.5 license)

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original works are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.